Dear T.J. Houshmandzadeh (@tjhoush),

When I received your note that you were following me on twitter yesterday morning, I felt very special. Flattered even. Me, really? Being followed by a guy who’s been called the NFL’s most underrated player? I’m not gonna lie, I forwarded that email around to a few of my friends, co-workers, and family members with the subject line “Look Who’s Following Me On Twitter!”

Without hesitation, TJ, I followed you back. I wanted to know how your transition to Seattle was going, how you were planning on spending your $40,000,000, and what you were eating for breakfast. I was going to re-tweet for you, and I don’t do that for just anybody.

So imagine my surprise when you broke up with me on twitter in less than 5 minutes! Since I hadn’t even had time to smother you with direct messages and @replies, I turned to my social networking gurus @daveschappell and @leifhansen to find out how our relationship had gone all sideways.

My friends informed me that this kind of thing happens all the time, that I fell prey to your charms. I thought you were following ME on twitter, when in fact you were following all kinds of people with the singular purpose of getting people to follow you back…only to unfollow them, too!

I thought I meant something to you, TJ. But unfollowing me before even getting to know me, that hurt. Twitter etiquette requires that I label you a #twouchebag. I hope you and your 424 followers are happy, in 140 characters or less.

With respect,

@askthemd